10 Things I hate about Drinking
I woke up this morning (not hungover) contemplating all the things I hate about drinking. After experiencing an enlightening and prolific 60-day break from the sauce before the holidays, I am welcoming each new day of Dry January with open arms.
My list of all the things I hate most about drinking started on a sticky note. I made coffee and fed the dog, adding to the list as things came to mind. The note was intended only for me and my bathroom mirror, a daily reminder of why I’m choosing to take another break.
But, I’ve decided to share it. Maybe you love drinking. Maybe you’re questioning your relationship. Maybe you’ve already made a clean break, or taken a pause. Whatever your status — lush, wino, alcohol-free, sober, soberish, non-drinker, teetotaler, sober curious, moderate drinker, questioning, or undefined — I hope that you find this list entertaining, informative, and thought-provoking.
10 Things I hate about Drinking
10. Hangovers: I’m sure I uttered the words “I just don’t get hungover” at some point in my 20’s. In retrospect, I probably didn’t get hungover because I was in my 20’s. Now that I’m in my 30's? Different story. I’ll drink water before bed, eat something, take 2 Advil and 1 melatonin, set electrolyte drinks on my bedside table, and still wake up feeling like dog barf. You can be sure that whether it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner, McDonald’s is happening that day.
9. Weight gain: See Mcdonald's above. No, seriously though. When I stopped drinking for 60 days I lost 5 lbs without doing anything outside my norm.*** Actually, I did do something outside the norm. I indulged. In bread — WITH butter. Pie. Cookies. Ben and Jerry’s. And lost weight in the process. How? Let’s remember that alcohol is void of any nutritional value (other than as a caloric source), and completely f*cks with every. single. system. in your body, including your metabolism.
***Weight loss is not a sign of health. My body naturally shed what was unneeded. It’s not to be celebrated, or cheered, or replicated. It’s just a fact.
8. Dehydrated skin (aka looking like shit): Alcohol dehydrates you (duh), but as you age a byproduct of this dehydration is a complete loss of any dewy glow you were faking with $300 serums. Might as well throw them down the drain, because alcohol sucks the very life out of your face. Hello, fine lines, dark circles, clogged pores, uneven skin tone, and every other malady you were attempting to “fix” with skincare.***
***Skin is supposed to have texture, but alcohol makes your face look 10x worse than it would otherwise.
7. Wasting money: I appreciate Uber for giving my drunk ass a ride home countless times. What I do *not* appreciate is that you can now get alcohol delivered via the Uber Eats app. So, while I’m not spending money on the former anymore, Uber figured out how to still make a buck off me with the latter. *insert flying money emoji here*
6. Anxiety: You’re at a special level of alcohol dependency when you drink because you’re anxious, and then end up getting MORE anxious while drinking. Sometimes I’ll have a glass of wine “to chill out” or “wind-down”. The result? I get even more bored, anxious, and fidgety. Oh and then there’s hangxiety to greet you bright and early the next day.
5. Questioning: Worried your daily wine-down is requiring more and more wine to get “down”? Compared your drinking to those around you? Hm, yeah, me too. Questioning is good — it means you’re observing your patterns and behaviors, and the results of both. But in my experience, it usually doesn’t feel good.
4. Making bad decisions and wasting time: I have sat across from many a suitor longer than I should have because I was certain that he would get more attractive/interesting/tolerable if I just had one more glass. Realizing the truth could’ve saved me time, glasses of wine, and potentially entire relationships. And that’s a very tame example of bad decisions I‘ve made while drinking.
3. Crippling guilt and shame: Anxiety’s BFFs are guilt and shame. Drink more than you had wanted to? Guilt. Hungover? Shame. Made a bad decision? Guilt AND shame are now your new BFFs, along with next-day hangover anxiety (hangxiety) bringing up the rear.
2. Drinking poison: You know what DARE taught me? DARE taught 12-year-old me that if I drink and drive I will get into a car crash and it will kill someone and it will ruin my life. I got that point loud and clear, as you probably did, too. Do you know what I WISH DARE had taught me? I wish DARE drove home the point (pun intended) that alcohol is literal poison — ethanol. That there isn’t a system in the body that imbibing this poison doesn’t absolutely f*ck with. And you know the craziest part? Big Alcohol is in bed with everyone, so this is never brought up. Drink too much and get behind the wheel? Life ruiner. Drink too much and occasionally say stupid things? Eh…? Any mention of the MULTITUDE of health complications related to alcohol consumption — including CANCER (of the breast, mouth, throat, esophagus, voice box, liver, colon, and rectum) — are completely swept under the rug. I never considered the health ramifications of my drinking until long after I considered the personal and professional ones, and that is extremely concerning.
1. Addiction: And the number one thing I hate about drinking? That alcohol still has that power to get me back. It’s is one of the top 5 most addictive substances in the world. Despite the fact alcohol worsens my depression and anxiety, he convinces me he’s not all bad. Or maybe I give him the benefit of the doubt. And in spite of a whole host of health risks, wine sings her siren song time and again, and I cave.
That’s what I hate about drinking the most — the fact that I let it convince me again and again that I don’t hate it at all.
